Sunday 23 February 2020

Pause, breathe



"Why is your paddle up!?" THE thoroughly sun-burnt kayaking coach shouted. "And why are you NOT holding on to your teammate's paddle!?"

Sitting in the cockpit of my kayak under the merciless hot sun, I cursed myself silently. I must have asked myself countless times why I signed myself up for this 1 Star Kayaking award course alongside my students. For that meant I signed up for the slinging and scolding usually reserved for students and not an accompanying teacher. I should have just opt to stay put on the safe shores where I watched my students being shouted at by THE coach instead. Out in the open seas, THE coach was not going to listen to my explanation why I did certain things the way I did. All he wanted was for me to execute the steps to the best of my ability. Yet overwhelmed by the many steps to follow in order to execute the rafted "X" rescue operations when someone's kayak capsize, I began to wonder if it is easier to let the kayak capsize than to perform the final, yet seemingly impossible task of flipping the heavy, water-logged capsized kayak over.

These memories of my kayaking experience came back recently as the certificate for the course that I took late last year arrived, laid quietly on my table in the staffroom.  


In many ways, being out in the open sea is akin to navigating the mud pool of the present frenzy of the coronavirus times.


No one likes to capsize, for no one wants to be immersed in a dark, deep sea. No one wants to catch an unknown virus which scientists are still scrambling to learn what it truly is like. In the murky sea where one plunges into to perform the capsize action, one struggles to stay afloat by kicking upwards frantically despite being reminded to stay calm and count to three before emerging from under the capsized kayak to above the sea. In the uncertain Novel Covid-2019 times, it seems easier to hog face masks and hand sanitisers than to collect yourself and listen to the rational voice within you that all will be well. 


In another world where THE coach cares to listen, I may have been able to explain my learning difficulty better -- that I have visual-spatial difficulties and was totally lost when expected to perform the series of actions demonstrated earlier in an orientation different from what was shown. I might have been able to express my need for instructions to be repeated and in a slower fashion. 


Yet in frantic times just like being out in the sea, everyone's cooperation is highly valued and a contrarian voice or action is not welcome. For during times of heightened alertness, there is little time and resources left to address anything else that will slow down an entire group's moving forward. There is little bandwidth left to soothe a slowgoing individual's soul, nor time to explain the whys behind an action. In Nike's words, you just do it. 


In school, the hectic day now starts with taking one's temperature, recording it and making sure all other students take their temperature. Normal school routines have changed and both teachers and students do their best to cope with them. Scrambles involve learning to cope with cancelled school programmes and pre-arranged learning journeys and deciding how to make up for it with new learning points that don't compromise the learning for students. Scrambles also involve trying to make sense of how conventional school-wide programmes typically celebrated in the hall are now held in the confines of each classroom.  

And sometimes in these hectic times, we forgot that we need to breathe and slow down even more consciously, more important than ever before. We sometimes forgot to stay quiet and listen. We forgot that when we do not react too quickly, we earn the chance to reflect and make more rational decisions.

Yet pause we must. For it is through that momentary breath when we halt that we find the time to rotate the kaleidoscope. And when the kaleidoscopic mind is shifted momentarily out of its usual position, we notice the changing patterns of light made by the reflections of the pieces of coloured glass and mirrors. And we recognize the differing views and contrary thoughts.

That said, would I dare to ask THE coach to pause and repeat if ever there is a next time? 

Maybe not.